The Eight Regions of JQMCBP XXIII
What's this? March Madness has only four regions you say??? NOT ENOUGH! Announcing the EIGHT regions of JQMCBP XXIII, heretofore known as the Bracket of Enormous and Exaltant Signficance (BEES)!
Below I describe the BEES entries, region by region.
Note: LOADS OF LINKS. I am intentionally trying to waste your time, because time we have a lot of right now. Follow them! Waste time! It is your BEES duty!
The winner of the BEES will decide, once and for all...actually I have no idea. Something important? Well, what it lacks in coherence it doubly makes up for in absurdity. And away we go!
The BEES
The first BEES region is apropos for our collective existence. But have no fear, there is only one entry that's an actual virus, and Covid-19 is a 16-seed. Is this the year for a #1 seed to fall like Virginia did a few years ago? Not when your first round opponent is
BBC KID
. I'll give you a freebie insider pick: BBC KID is going to socially distance Covid-19 into oblivion. Take that!
The Viral Region First Round Matchups |
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Food! We all eat it! Except for sometimes when it's something green or worse yet BEANS and yes my lovely daughters I'm talking to you EAT YOUR BRUSSEL SPROUTS! But I digress. This is the Food round, complete with important links about them. Amongst other things, it answers the age-old question "what happens when I type 'a plate of peas' into a YouTube search?"
The Food Region First Round Matchups |
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My daughter Piper, age 14, is selecting all of this region. Ever the attentive father, I gave her no guidance whatsoever on this other than "just pick eight things you like". So, here are eight things Piper likes. Piper, not the Candymeister, will pick all winners in this region. Good luck!
Piper's Picks Region First Round Matchups |
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I know what you've been saying. These regions are fine and all, but where is my bracket of weird mammals? I KNOW, RIGHT? Look no further, here they are. From the primitive Mountain Beaver (not related to the beaver!) to the predatory Grasshopper Mouse (not related to the grasshopper!), this list is filled with oddities.
The Odd Mammals Region First Round Matchups |
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What's this? Another Candymeister-Outsources-Work-To-His-Daughter Region? You betcha! In this region my daughter Carson, age 15, picks a bunch of sports highlights she loves, and then pits them against each other. Carson, not the Candymeister, will pick all winners in this region.
FAQ for Carson's Picks Region
Q: When picking winners in this region, are we picking the highlight or the athlete?
A: OMG! Who cares? You are totally overthinking this!
Carson's Picks Region First Round Matchups |
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If you know me, you know that I'm just a wee bit interested in birds. But what do I like more than birds? Punk birds! Birds that look at their evolutionary dice roll and say, "No thank you! I am not interested in living like that! I would like to behave instead like a punk, with utterly no adherence to the natural order of things. Deal with it!" Punk birds are the best birds.
The Punk Birds Region First Round Matchups |
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These cover songs feature clever takes on classic popular tunes. In each first round matchup, I'm pitting two interpretations of the same cover song. You might want to click on these links, watch, and listen. Or not! You do you!
The Cover Songs Region First Round Matchups |
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I've been slinging this Candybar Pool for 25 calendar years now (23 pools + a two year personal hygiene hiatus; I took a super long bath), and I can't really do this absurdist bracket without a candy region, can I? I even considered doing the entire bracket as candy, but things like Duck Army, Pangolins, and Sepak Takraw were just too good to deny. So we've got eight candybars to choose from. Choose wisely, or unwisely, but choose.
No links for these. If you don't know what a Snickers is, you've been living in a cave much longer than our current cave dwelling experiences.
The Candy Region First Round Matchups |
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Butterfinger
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11
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Reese's Peanut Butter Cups
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