• Name: *|MMERGE5|*
• Candybar: *|MMERGE6|*
• Score: *|MMERGE9|* (leader is at *|MMERGE11|*)
• How many chimps are at or above your score: *|MMERGE8|*
• Rank: *|MMERGE10|*/809
• Your Bracket: Click here

For the rookies, and those that don't remember what I told you last year:
What I do is send out email updates (personalized just for your entry!) several times during the course of the tournament. I go on and on and on over seemingly meaningless minutia. It might seem meaningless but...well okay, it's meaningless. But we'll have fun, or your money back.**

In addition to the emails, there's lots of important, vital resources available with your web browser. Evaluate how risky your picks are with the J Factor, see who picked brackets like yours with the Scientific Similarity Index. As the tournament progresses, figure out who has no chance of winning at the Hall of Shame! Generate pointless head-to-head graphs! Every one of my emails will contain these linky links at the bottom of the email, or instead just head to The Leaderboard as a jumping off point.

As I've done for the past few years, I'm sending emails through the appropriately named MailChimp mass email service. This is Lucky the Chimp's favorite email service, and because it actually sends emails that people tend to receive. However, MailChimp will not allow me to send multiple emails to the same email address. So, if you signed up several brackets on one email address, you only be getting one personalized email for each entry. How about we call this a "feature" and call an end to the tech talk.

* and 1,001 chimps. This number has been remarkably steady.

** Refund applications need to be filed in triplicate and mailed to the Johnny Quest Memorial Candy Bar Pool Customer Service Department, care of its Parent Corporation, Slaptronics Personal Massage Therapy and Self Help Video Distribution Corporation of Netherland Antilles (nasdaq:SPMTSHVDCNA). Or you could contact your congressperson, which will give you a similar outcome.

But enough of my yakkin'. Let's boogie!

Who Brought It?

And What Did They Bring?

The Montana State Bobcats did not make it out of the play-in round, but their clarinetist 100% brought it, and then some.

Losing Mascots: Let's Talk About Them!

Pointless Discussion about Losing Teams and Their Mascots

Let's kick off Mascot Musing™ with a bang!

The Stetson Hatters

The Stetson Univerity Hatters! I know, I agree! The Hatters!

Stetson University, which I honestly learned for the very first time today is in NE Florida and not Texas, is Florida's oldest private college (its newest, The Devolder Santos Cryptotech Institute, currently only fields a volleyball squad). Stetson are the Hatters, which is objectively awesome, and their mascot, and I am not making this up...is "John B." JOHN B.?!? That is ... smoldering. #poguelife

But srsly, this is "John B.," the Stetson Hatter. Fare thee well, John B. (and while you're at it, hoist up the Sloop (if you get it you get it*)).

* - for those keeping score at home, the John B pop culture references are from a) a 2020 sepia-tinted Netflix series and b) a 1916 Bahamian folk song. This is how it's gonna be around here.

Long Beach State "The Beach"

Honestly, I didn't know. As much as I still spin this hamster wheel of basketball annually, we're kind of a volleyball house around here, and we'll fairly regularly tune into college volleyball. Inevitably, both because of the hour of the day and because I'm a miserly cord-cutter that gets sports via the low-rent ESPN+ add-on to Hulu, we watch a bunch of obscure west coast teams, including Long Beach State. I like watching Long Beach's home matches because their court is painted like sand, and emblazoned on it are the words "The Beach". I figured that was the name of the court! Nope. Well, maybe it is. But it's also the name of the team. That's right, Long Beach State's team is called "The Beach". Except for their baseball team. They are known as The Dirtbags. For realsies! It's all so fantastic.

So their mascot is sadly not The Beach, and let me tell you I'd pay money to see how they'd pull that one off, but it also ain't bad. Meet "Elbee" (get it?) the shark. The Beach may be making an early exit from the tourney, but Elbee, you're alright.

My lovely daughter Carson Moxie Klaas had The Beach all the way to the Final Four. No punchline there, just saying it for the world to hear.

Upsets...who picked 'em

Highlighting those brave souls that chose oddball longshots to win games

296 of you had the Duquesne Dukes over Brigham Young. Not the biggest upset of the day, however. That clearly goes to Oakland which, it bears repeating, is in Michigan. 63 of you had Oakland beating Kentucky, even if you would have been off by thousands of miles if you tried to locate it on a map. And here y'all are:

Whose champion bit it?

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but it never sucks worse than when the team you picked to win it all loses it all. It's even worse when I publish it for all to read!

24 of you had Kentucky all the way, and they didn't even make it out of round 1. Sad! There were also six lovely singletons for Akron, Stetson (go Hatters!), South Carolina, Colorado State, Saint Peters, and Long Beach State (go The Beach!). Adios to your hopes as well.

So long suckers!

Boo Rah Rah

I asked you if your alma mater was in the tournament. Why? So I could make fun of you when they lose!

Look at all these Drake alums! Rats, I was rooting for ya, Bulldogs.

Candy Bar of the Day

Where I give out fake awards for my favorite candy selections

The Once-Again-You-Made-Me-Google-Your-Pick-JOE Award goes to, obvs, Joe Grover. Joe's pick, Uncle Urnie's Candy Ashes...is it a thing? It is indeed a thing.

Uncle Urnie's Candy Ashes is described on the candy website neatoshop as "this product has been removed". Sounds delicious!

Enough with the crap, who's ahead?

Top 10 Humans

cynthia of Maryland and Nolan Bianchi both started the day 14-for-14 before both missing on the Texas Tech-NC State pick, and after the first round concluded we have a 5-way tie for first with 15 points and a giant log-jam right behind at 14.

Top 10 Chimps

Kaitlin and Lucia are tops in the Chimp Army effort after day 1, but look at those champion selections. Ouch.

cheers,
the Meister

Linky links:

• The Leaderboard for checking out who is ahead
• What's Your J? will tell you how risky your picks were
• SSS Want to see who picked brackets similar to yours? You do??? srsly why.
• Prognosticationland for looking at some brackets
• Hall of Shame will tell you who is out of the race for candy completely