• Name: *|MMERGE5|*
• Candybar: *|MMERGE6|*
• Score: *|MMERGE9|* (leader is at *|MMERGE11|*)
• How many chimps are at or above your score: *|MMERGE8|*
• Rank: *|MMERGE10|*/858
• Your Bracket: Click here

All Hail Bluehowler, Defeater of Humans

A slightly belated last email as we were briefly in Paris and their internet is all annoyingly in French, and aside from English I only speak in overly wordy snark.

In a JQMCBP first, a non-human has won the entire pool. Apologies (for calling them a dog previously) but big congratulations (for beating all humans and dogs and chimps) to Bluehowler the cat, our JQMCBP XXVIII champion! Bluehowler is pictured here gloating, judging, and plotting next moves as only cats can do.

Bluehowler, seen here establishing a rightful societal hierarchy over dogs

Bluehowler, ℅ Suebob, I will need an address to send your Plain M&M’s.

Lucky’s 1,000 Chimp Army was contacted for comment but they did not respond. It is assumed that a non-chimp finally breaking the 27-year human streak has not gone over well with the Simian Legion. Expect them to regroup and come up with a new strategy for 2026. Like, maybe instead of heads for each pick they will call tails.

Second place was won by Oliver “Heath” Bunns of Michigan. For his feat, Oliver has won the traditional 2nd place prize of BIG FAT NOTHING.

Since about 2016 or so I have quietly stopped sending the traditional 3rd place “CD of my choosing from my collection” prize because, well, I don’t own any CDs any more since Spotify sucked the soul out of that whole industry. However, this year without any prompting 3rd place winner David "King Size Lion" Smalling has already supplied me an address to send one. For this attention to detail David, 3rd son of Jack and Marge, I will be sending you a CD. I just have to find a truly terrible one for you at a flea market or thrift store. I’m looking for something somewhere on the continuum between Norwegian Apocalyptic Death Metal and Slovakian Acid Klezmer. It may take a while, but it will arrive. Oh yes, it will arrive.

Bluehowler, seen here staring with endless disdain for the miserable attempts you humans all gave to select winners of games Bluehowler described as "light-years less fun than a laser pointer"

I appreciate you all bearing witness to this never-ending display of weirdness. It brings me joy to amuse/bemuse/confuse you all each year. JQMCBP XXIX is only about 11 months away!

cheers until next year,
The Meister

Boo Rah Rah

I asked you if your alma mater was in the tournament. Why? So I could make fun of you when they lose!

It would be remiss of me not to mention that the only 4 people that lost an alma mater in the Final Four are all Duke grads, and to thee I say: "pull with suction a generic description of a thing"*.

* suck it

New Mascot Idea

We spotted this guy on the Pena Palace in Sintra, Portugal. He is a 10/10 on all metrics and available for immediate placement on a team with a currently lame mascot. He has also expressed some interested in coming in as a 3rd Xavier mascot.

Enough with the crap, who's ahead?

Final Standings: Top 10 Humans/Cats

Top 10 Chimps

Congrats to Makayla the Chimp for a chimp-topping score of 83, which also tied or beat almost half the field of humans(/cats/dogs), including yours truly. Once again for emphasis, fully half of you picked a bracket in this, a historically terrible year for the Chimp Army, that could not beat all of these coin flip brackets.

cheers,
the Meister

Linky links:

• The Leaderboard for checking out who is ahead
• What's Your J? will tell you how risky your picks were
• SSS Want to see who picked brackets similar to yours? You do??? srsly why.
• Prognosticationland for looking at some brackets
• Hall of Shame will tell you who is out of the race for candy completely