• Name: *|MMERGE5|*
• Candybar: *|MMERGE6|*
• Score: *|MMERGE9|* (leader is at *|MMERGE11|*)
• How many chimps are at or above your score: *|MMERGE8|*
• Rank: *|MMERGE10|*/809
• Your Bracket: Click here

Note: now sending from ben@benklaas.com in an effort to get these emails through spam filters better. Official Candymeister email is still jqmcbp@gmail.com.

Who Brought It?

And What Did They Bring?

Well certainly Jack Gohlke (pictured right) of Oakland, which is still very much in Michigan, brought it.

But who didn't bring it, but by nature of not bringing it, really brought it, if you know what I mean. Which I'm sure you don't.

I'm talking about Andrew "Twix" Mossburg, who at 8 points is not only in last place but also, with an RtT™* of 12, is the first inductee into this year's Hall of Shame™, AND is nearly a lock for his record-setting FOURTH title of Last Place in JQMCBP. And it's not without competition. Rossburg typically faces off against Dr. Wilbur "Dental Floss" Wonka DDS for lastsies. Wonka has taken the cellar spot twice in the past, and is entered again this year (though Dr. Wonka does appear to have stopped the tanking strategy).

It's almost as if, with Andrew's J-Factor™ score of 95.84**, he's trying to lose.

Andrew has also achieved the feat of a Darwin score of 1,000, currently doing worse than all but one of the 1,001 Chimp Army. Julio the Chimp currently sits at 7 points, but will likely overtake Andrew in the next round.

* RtT™ is Run the Table, your score if all remaining possible picks in your bracket go your way. Mossburg's is 12, which trails the current leading score, hence induction to the HoS™.

** 95.84, not 100, because Mossburg doesn't pick all upsets, just almost all upsets. Mossburg is an enigma.

Losing Mascots: Let's Talk About Them!

Pointless Discussion about Losing Teams and Their Mascots

The Now Vanquished Stetson Hatters

Somehow no one called me on the fact that I devoted a lot of my first email to Stetson, a team that had neither played nor lost yet at the time of writing. Well, they lost Friday by 39 points. So that happened. Go Hatters!

BEHOLD The Greatest Mascot in the World

ALL HAIL BIG RED! It had been since 2013 since the Western Kentucky Hilltoppers had made the dance, but I was patiently waiting. Behold, the Greatest Mascot in the World, BIG RED.

There's a lot to learn about Big Red, as noted in the Western Kentucky Sports Marketing Guidelines PDF, which I definitely didn't read in its entirety.

• Big Red taunts; is never taunted.
• Big Red cannot eat, but does chew Big Red gum and drinks exclusively Code Red.
• Big Red has complete and total diplomatic immunity.
• Big Red's favorite color is ironically blue.
• ONCE AGAIN BIG RED DOES NOT TALK PLEASE DO NOT PORTRAY TALKING WITH THE USER OF CONVERSATION BALLOONS.

Big Red is THE BEST. I mean, JUST. BEHOLD.

According to Mark Greer, second person to ever wear the suit

Hear that? ONE STUPID EXPRESSION. All other mascots are worst! Big Red is best! I mean, JUST. LOOK. UNMATCHED.

Upsets...who picked 'em

Highlighting those brave souls that chose oddball longshots to win games

93 of you had Yale over Auburn in Round 1. Pictured here is the celebration on campus. New Haven was LIT.

Whose champion bit it?

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but it never sucks worse than when the team you picked to win it all loses it all. It's even worse when I publish it for all to read!

Kate Knowles actually led the whole JQMCBP for a stretch on Friday. Alas, all hopes were dashed when the Vermont Catamounts were callously ousted in round 1, defying no one save Kate's expectations.

Also, pour one out for Cami Niyo, the most loyal Colgate stan ever. Just look at her Candy Bar choice.

Wisconsin fans in this pool are not a surprise, but 12 people for Auburn! Who would have guessed! That did not work out well for you!

So long suckers!

Boo Rah Rah

I asked you if your alma mater was in the tournament. Why? So I could make fun of you when they lose!

Adios, Badger alums

Candy Bar of the Day

Where I give out fake awards for my favorite candy selections

The Ride Or Die for Oral Hygiene Award goes to Cami "colgate toothpaste!" Niyo. Cami, as previously mentioned, also had Colgate winning it all this year. Basically, she's like really into Colgate. Y'all can laugh, but she's blissfully cavity-free.

Enough with the crap, who's ahead?

Top 10 Humans

Top 10 Chimps

cheers,
the Meister

Linky links:

• The Leaderboard for checking out who is ahead
• What's Your J? will tell you how risky your picks were
• SSS Want to see who picked brackets similar to yours? You do??? srsly why.
• Prognosticationland for looking at some brackets
• Hall of Shame will tell you who is out of the race for candy completely