• Name: *|MMERGE5|*
• Candybar: *|MMERGE6|*
• Score: *|MMERGE9|* (leader is at *|MMERGE11|*)
• How many chimps are at or above your score: *|MMERGE8|*
• Rank: *|MMERGE10|*/850
• Your Bracket: Click here

First Round Wrap-up

The first round is over and, proving once again predictable statistical distributions, there are just a few at the top. Two to be exact: Deanne "King size Snickers" Busta and Ken "Junior Mints" Errico got 30 of the first 32 games picked correctly and roll into round 2 with a 1 point lead over 7 others.

The chasing pack includes co-worker Rustem "Snickers" Bilyalov, and if anyone is going to crack the code of how to game this game, it's gonna be Rustem. Also shout out Sarah "Butterfinger" Handlos, leading the charge of Ames High School Class of 1989. Ames High Aims High!

Upsets...who picked 'em

Highlighting those brave souls that chose oddball longshots to win games

Bupkus.

Colorado State as a 12-seed was the closest thing to an upset, and 360 of you picked the Rams to move on. Maybe we'll get another McNeese shocker today, with Amir Khan (pictured ) Bringing the Aura.

Whose champion bit it?

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but it never sucks worse than when the team you picked to win it all loses it all. It's even worse when I publish it for all to read!

John Pork with the Mount St Marys pick! Not bning the bacon home this year John :dadjokeemoji: :eelslapemoji:.

Derek "a stupidly large novelty kitkat" Hoaglund lost his pick of Marquette, but I am pleased to announce that this year he's clinched the Co-Workers Named Derek Championship that slipped through his fingers last year when there was more than one Co-Worker Named Derek entered (he did finish 2nd though).

So long suckers!

Boo Rah Rah

I asked you if your alma mater was in the tournament. Why? So I could make fun of you when they lose!

Thoughts and prayers, Akron Zips alums.

I'm not willing to concede Grand Canyon University is a real school, and the fact that "Marshmallow Man" said it was his alma mater is not convincing me otherwise.

Candy Bar of the Day

Where I give out fake awards for my favorite candy selections

The James Joyce Memorial Unnecessary Verbosity Award (JJMUVA) was hard fought. These contenders almost won it:

• Nancy "A whole barrel of lolly's like in Gr Ray concession stand" Valentine (13 words)
• Maizey "Blue Buffalo Senior Chicken & Brown Rice Dog Food, 15lb bag" Niyo (13 words) *
• Melanie "dark chocolate almond thing i gotta look it up later" Butler (12 words)
• Matt "FITCRUNCH Chocolate Peanut Butter Baked Snack Bar- 16g of Pr" Smalling (12 words)
• John "John Pork is callingJohn Pork is callingJohn Pork is calling" Pork (12 words)**
• Peter "NERDS GUMMY CLUSTERS AKA THE GREATEST CANDY OF ALL TIME" Rosston (12 words)
• Rick "REESE'S World's Largest Peanut Butter Cups 1 lb. Candy Pack (12 words)
• Milo "Spunky Pup Mutt Duds Pork Flavor Dog Treat, 5-oz bag" Lucas (12 words)***

* not candy
** y'alright John?
*** also not candy; what's with all these dogs that won't shut about their selection?

None of these are the winners though. The winner goes to Brendon Harrington who had to email me the full selection:

I checked on justcandy.com and the candybar is pretty affordable! Only about $5.*

* plus $25 one-time art fee

Losing Mascots: Let's Talk About Them!

Pointless Discussion about Losing Teams and Their Mascots

	Emmit, the Mt St Marys Mountaineer Dead Behind the Eyes: 11 Looks Like the Thing It's Trying To Be: 10 Terrifying to Meet: 8ish Works Hard: 10 Plays Hard: 10 Emmit lives down the block, and when your snowblower goes out he's right there for you to rework your mechanics, waxing poetically about the lost art of servicing 2-stroke engines. But also, Emmit is rarely seen during the day, and is frequently heard at night digging in his backyard and listening to Tom Waits way too loud. He subscribes to both a meal delivery service and hunts his own game, IN THE CITY. Feeling pretty conflicted here about Emmit.
	d'Artagnan, the Xavier Musketeer Dead Behind the Eyes: 2 Looks Like the Thing It's Trying To Be: 9 Terrifying to Meet: 2 Is Best Xavier Mascot: 0 There's nothing wrong with d'Artagnan, really. It's just he's not even the best Xavier mascot. As chronicled in previous JQMCBPs, Xavier is not content to have just one, and d'Artagnan really just can't compete with...
	Blue Blob, the Xavier...Blue Blob? Dead Behind the Eyes: 8 Looks Like the Thing It's Trying To Be: I mean, 10 I think? Terrifying to Meet: Honestly, who knows? Could be 10. Could be 15, really. I have no idea what Blue Blob is capable of. Is Best Xavier Mascot: 10 All hail Blue Blob, the most Blue Blobby Mascot in the whole tournament. Look at d'Artagnan back there. Jealous. Contractually obligated to stay at least 6 paces behind Blue Blob, and to never look directly in his never-blinking Blue Blob eyes. As Alexandre Dumas once wrote, "All for Blue Blue Blob, and Blue Blob for All!"
	Zippy the Akron Zip Dead Behind the Eyes: 0 Looks Like the Thing It's Trying To Be: 10 Terrifying to Meet: 0 Is Female: 10 Day 2 winner is clearly Zippy. She's a trailblazer, and can be hired for an incredibly nominal fee to come to your non-profit event in the Greater Akron Metro.

Enough with the crap, who's ahead?

Top 10 Humans

Top 10 Chimps

Gonna be honest, it does not look good for the chimps right now.

cheers,
the Meister

Linky links:

• The Leaderboard for checking out who is ahead
• What's Your J? will tell you how risky your picks were
• SSS Want to see who picked brackets similar to yours? You do??? srsly why.
• Prognosticationland for looking at some brackets
• Hall of Shame will tell you who is out of the race for candy completely