JQMCBP XXVII

Brought to you by: binary piano


You Cow?!? No, UCoW™

Intro to UCoW™

Greetings CandyQuesters, rolling into the Sweet Sixteen, the time has come for the least anticipated part of JQMCBP: UCoW™, pronounced as a shrill, screeching "YOU COW!". UCoW™ stands for Unweighted Chance of Winning, and has been described by some as "major buzzkill," by others as "wholly unnecessary," and by all as "objectively unwelcome". UCoW™ is a simulation of every remaining possible permutation of the bracket and, in each case, who wins JQMCBP. At the onset of the tournament, there are 2 to the 63rd power permutations or ~ 9 quintillion possible ways the bracket could happen. That's a bit much for the circa-2011 Dell Workstation* sitting in my closet to simulate, but once the bracket is reduced to the Sweet Sixteen, the number of permutations drops to 2 to the 15th power permutations, or 32,768. That I can simulate (source code)!

* - donated by Willy "Claussen Pickle Jelly Beans"** Lee
** - Always with the candy trolling, that Willy.

In-depth Analysis of This Year's UCoW™

Pretty bad year for the chimps.

==== HUMAN WINS, CHIMP WINS ====
Human Wins: 32386
Chimp Wins: 539

All The Data That's Fit To Print

(note: there's some hot content below this giant data dump; critically important content.)

Here it is, all of the people that could possibly win and the unweighted-by-strength-of-winning-teams percentage chance of winning. Ctrl-F <your name> or, if you are on a phone, try not to go blind, and see if you're still in the running.

===== WINNERS ====
Name    Number of Winning Brackets      Percentage of Winning Brackets
Rob Bellin      1872    5.713
Judi Durda      1638    4.999
Michelle Morrisey       1203    3.671
Rollie E.       1199    3.659
Nate Blake      1090    3.326
Michael Webster 710     2.167
Marissa Stolt   687     2.097
Bear Dawg       621     1.895
Zach Gostanian  617     1.883
Caroline Welby  573     1.749
Megan Wooley-Ousdahl    524     1.599
Kristen DiGirolomo      514     1.569
Camille Blake   492     1.501
John Griffin    437     1.334
Brenda Ochs     429     1.309
Baba Delargy    407     1.242
Jake Lowenstern         387     1.181
Milt Bellin     387     1.181
michelle rago   378     1.154
Derek Roesti    376     1.147
Paul Schmidt    361     1.102
Jim Bauer       361     1.102
Parker Rogers   356     1.086
Javier Fregoso  353     1.077
Ryan Mowery     344     1.050
Sam Hoag        340     1.038
Jeb Byers       340     1.038
Kathy Larson    304     0.928
Crissy Fanganello       293     0.894
Michael Hartnett        280     0.854
Meg Whelan      266     0.812
Eleanor Bier    253     0.772
Joe Hebda       249     0.760
WTF Is This     247     0.754
Jim Soriano     246     0.751
Dante Chittenden        244     0.745
Dawn Smith      236     0.720
Joe 'mit Ohren' Grover  229     0.699
Liz McHalpine   226     0.690
Jason Emrich    221     0.674
Beatriz Arredondo       219     0.668
Erin D  216     0.659
Joshua Foster   209     0.638
Gavaboo 208     0.635
Tom Hoag        200     0.610
Mary F Herrmann         198     0.604
Dane Debbrecht  194     0.592
Michelle Tressel        192     0.586
Eddie Topel     190     0.580
Winnie Gavin    186     0.568
Mr. Miyagi      183     0.558
Jason Hermanson 179     0.546
jane mc 178     0.543
Sab     178     0.543
Jack Backer     173     0.528
Daryl Morrison  163     0.497
Wendy Volkman   159     0.485
Milo Anderson   155     0.473
Zachary Klaas   154     0.470
Susan Erickson  150     0.458
John 'I dunno yet but it's gonna be hard to find' Yuda  147     0.449
Serine Isenhart 140     0.427
Tom 'Muad'Dib' Wadzinski        139     0.424
Nicki Bowers    138     0.421
Joe Hoag        138     0.421
Gavin Rogers    135     0.412
Carol Reed      134     0.409
Jen Meagher     134     0.409
Avi Gupta       131     0.400
Scott Cheney    131     0.400
Robert Portnoy  130     0.397
Amir the Chimp  129     0.394
Missy Shanahan  126     0.385
Greg Wallack    120     0.366
Holm Plates     119     0.363
Scott Thompson  118     0.360
Josie Wakser    118     0.360
Joseph  117     0.357
Neil Kornze     117     0.357
Corbin the Chimp        116     0.354
Michelle R Young        115     0.351
Charlotte Bier  112     0.342
Amy Pierce      110     0.336
Super Grover    108     0.330
Sarah Boyd      108     0.330
Sara McMillan   107     0.327
Jason Earl Teal 107     0.327
Jess Larson     104     0.317
Andrew Hanson   104     0.317
Steve Fink      102     0.311
Kate Van Houten 97      0.296
Bill McGrail    97      0.296
Jan Merrell     96      0.293
Jim Bunda       95      0.290
Diane Sievert   93      0.284
Barbara Goldsby 93      0.284
Annie Hoag      92      0.281
Dave Lyons      91      0.278
Walt Hattemer   91      0.278
Chuck Delargy   91      0.278
Nathan Anderson 91      0.278
Allen witt      90      0.275
Kyle Smith      87      0.266
Rob “Tarpo” Tilley      83      0.253
Ryan currie     81      0.247
Thomas Newman   80      0.244
Todd Mullanix   78      0.238
Littleeva       78      0.238
Ben Klaas       78      0.238
David Needham   78      0.238
Kaleb the Chimp 77      0.235
Riley Daine     77      0.235
Robert WILLIAMS 76      0.232
Dick M  73      0.223
Clare Isenhart  72      0.220
Matt Mac        71      0.217
Greg Miller     70      0.214
Angie D 69      0.211
Brian Kinne     68      0.208
Victoria Johnson        68      0.208
Johnny Slash Flaa       67      0.204
Usha D  67      0.204
Huell Babineaux 67      0.204
Kelly Zheng     65      0.198
Mike the Pastor Riggins 65      0.198
Zane Sabbert    65      0.198
Andy Myers      64      0.195
Brian Wieck     63      0.192
Katie Kelly     62      0.189
Todd Barton     62      0.189
Bethany the Chimp       61      0.186
Michael Nommensen       61      0.186
Jon Klimczuk    61      0.186
Elizabeth Wright        61      0.186
Sam McWilliams  60      0.183
Justin Strohmeyer       60      0.183
Rupert Smudge   59      0.180
Ken Howard      57      0.174
Greg Rhoades    56      0.171
Brenda VB       55      0.168
Peter Hepburn   54      0.165
Johnathon the Chimp     54      0.165
Matt Smalling   54      0.165
Mary Tocci      54      0.165
Lisa Reed       53      0.162
Mike Brown      52      0.159
Steve Grose     52      0.159
Butterfinger    52      0.159
Barry Weeks     50      0.153
Peggy Meagher   50      0.153
Greg Rupp       49      0.150
Todd Dankers    49      0.150
Glen LaGrou     49      0.150
Thomas Susko    48      0.146
Rob Van Beusekom        48      0.146
Double D Currie 48      0.146
AJ Anderson     47      0.143
Kim Frederick   47      0.143
Kiera D 47      0.143
Bill Rogers     45      0.137
Sam niyo        45      0.137
Nora Huntsman   44      0.134
Kurt Anderson   44      0.134
Chris Handlos   44      0.134
J Cadell        43      0.131
Jacob Wadzinske 43      0.131
kay niyo        43      0.131
Victor. Nisenson        43      0.131
AJ Bowers       42      0.128
Lorie D 42      0.128
Molly Pratt     41      0.125
Nate Reed       41      0.125
Jeffrey Durr    41      0.125
Patty Dillon    41      0.125
Dennis Sabo     41      0.125
Joe Raymond     40      0.122
PAUL CHRISTOPHER MCNEIL 40      0.122
Kristen Meyer   40      0.122
Melanie Butler  39      0.119
Millie McCartney        38      0.116
Sara Van Houten 38      0.116
Michael Ferreter        37      0.113
Maya Gypsy      37      0.113
Dirk Diggler    35      0.107
Ramon the Chimp 35      0.107
Mathew the Chimp        35      0.107
Terry Valentine 35      0.107
Abby Chungath   35      0.107
Kenneth Andrew Boyd     35      0.107
Emi Kelly       35      0.107
Derek Bier      34      0.104
Suebob R        34      0.104
Drew Ruprich    34      0.104
Cathy Mullanix  34      0.104
Andrew T. Bryan 34      0.104
Jonathan Ware   34      0.104
Steven Antilla  33      0.101
Sarah Ogborn    32      0.098
Jackson Balch   32      0.098
Jim Chryssikos  32      0.098
Katherine Gifford       31      0.095
Globetrottingmoose      30      0.092
Geoff Willard   30      0.092
Nika Marczak    30      0.092
Romke Mooiweer  29      0.089
Jess Sanborn    29      0.089
Keith Brown     29      0.089
Rannveig Williams       29      0.089
Janet Hellberg  29      0.089
Tim Ogborn      28      0.085
Jacob Teer      28      0.085
Greg Wenz       28      0.085
Ben Halpern     28      0.085
MJ Hilker       27      0.082
Renee the Great 27      0.082
Jose Torres     26      0.079
Christa Fan     26      0.079
Brett Callison  26      0.079
Corey Garza     26      0.079
Wyn Jamieson    26      0.079
Jennifer Topel  25      0.076
Frank Spada     25      0.076
Michael Shim    25      0.076
Josh Thaler     24      0.073
Jasie M. Gray   24      0.073
Devan Dhruna    24      0.073
Todd Fehniger   23      0.070
John Niyo       23      0.070
Martha Carlos   23      0.070
Will Ramberg    23      0.070
Todd Krueger    23      0.070
Tim Hoelscher   22      0.067
Alexandria      22      0.067
Elias Prodger   21      0.064
Thomas J Leeper 21      0.064
Paul Smith      21      0.064
Mrs. Dank       21      0.064
Andrew D Nicholson      21      0.064
Amanda McGlothern       21      0.064
Bluehowler      20      0.061
Paul Wadzinske  20      0.061
Nancy Valentine 20      0.061
Jeff Shipley    20      0.061
Erin Austin     20      0.061
Aspen Holm      19      0.058
Staci Nowak     19      0.058
Jessica Dussault        19      0.058
harley carpenter        19      0.058
Melanie Leopold 19      0.058
Spencer Payne   18      0.055
Judy Johnson    18      0.055
Curtis Mitchell 18      0.055
Jokey Shanahan  18      0.055
Dave Metcalfe   18      0.055
Sarah Handlos   18      0.055
Theodore Chungath       18      0.055
Claire 'The Bear' Lucas 17      0.052
Saniya the Chimp        17      0.052
Claire KD       17      0.052
Jennifer Chittenden     17      0.052
Anne Bahr       17      0.052
Doug Busta      17      0.052
Jeff Chungath   16      0.049
Betsy Ross      16      0.049
Peter Cislo     16      0.049
Kevin Nolan     16      0.049
Steve 'Dad of Jamie and Nick' White     16      0.049
Pimp    15      0.046
John Davidson   15      0.046
Taylor DiGirolomo       14      0.043
Barbie Hoag     14      0.043
Carolyn Hernandez       14      0.043
Jay Huntsman    14      0.043
snoop in da coop        14      0.043
Mark Sherfy     14      0.043
Sophia Soriano  13      0.040
Artez Hutchinson        13      0.040
kirin danek     13      0.040
John J Hassinger        13      0.040
Charlie Meilinger       12      0.037
Adam Schill     12      0.037
Chris Boese     12      0.037
Norm Johnson    12      0.037
Ted Daniel      12      0.037
Tina Ferreter   12      0.037
Tim Rush        12      0.037
Espen Williams  12      0.037
Amelia Stalter  12      0.037
Brent Daley     12      0.037
Karen McCartney 11      0.034
Nick  DiGirolomo        11      0.034
Carlos Jacob    11      0.034
Bradley Feinstein       11      0.034
Dennis Brodjeski        11      0.034
MARIANNE GUEDEA 11      0.034
Scott Teer      11      0.034
John Debbrecht  11      0.034
Jim2me  11      0.034
Ryan Schmitt    10      0.031
Todd Beranak    10      0.031
Jason Danielson 10      0.031
Mya Proctor     9       0.027
Rob Strnad      9       0.027
Margaret Wadz   9       0.027
Jeremy Van't Hof        9       0.027
Paul Allar      9       0.027
Shaul Hurwitz   9       0.027
Karlene Noel Jennings   8       0.024
Katie Letarte   8       0.024
RainesofTerror  8       0.024
Don Heiduk      8       0.024
Peyton Bowers   8       0.024
David Van Riper 8       0.024
Greg Ross       8       0.024
Jodi Eastberg   8       0.024
Dawn Schmitt    8       0.024
paul madden     8       0.024
Robert DeLeon   7       0.021
Robert Bartus   7       0.021
Larry Marx      7       0.021
Patrick O'Boyle 7       0.021
James Yizze     7       0.021
Amanda Sue Thomas       6       0.018
Chase campbell  6       0.018
Chad Koch       6       0.018
Anna Arvant     6       0.018
Chad Pechumer   6       0.018
Christie Schmidt        6       0.018
Lexi Rosenbaum  6       0.018
Sonya connolly  6       0.018
Lucia the Chimp 6       0.018
Al Wadz 6       0.018
Brent Dakin     6       0.018
Silvia the Chimp        6       0.018
Jonah Rondeau   6       0.018
Jonah Rondeau   6       0.018
Sheev   5       0.015
Simon James     5       0.015
chad david      5       0.015
Ethan 'Go Green' Ray    5       0.015
Kari Williams   5       0.015
Dan Smedley     5       0.015
Thunder 28      5       0.015
Rachelle Owen   5       0.015
Joey Zambreno   5       0.015
Chris Larson    5       0.015
Ryan Brady      5       0.015
John Stakoe     5       0.015
Adam Lake       5       0.015
Soren Van Houten        4       0.012
MaKenzie Smalling       4       0.012
Mark Larson     4       0.012
Winston Churchill       4       0.012
Michael Folkerts        4       0.012
Annelise Ross   4       0.012
Maggie Topel    4       0.012
Jonathan Schroeder      4       0.012
Tim Ferrero     4       0.012
Brandon 4       0.012
Bubba Starling  4       0.012
Larry Deeney    4       0.012
Beth Rogers     4       0.012
Timothy Handlos 4       0.012
Todd Odess      4       0.012
Gwen Delargy    4       0.012
Gina Rumore     4       0.012
Paul Schmidt (old man)  4       0.012
Kaiden the Chimp        3       0.009
Ryan Schuelke   3       0.009
Brennan Swanson 3       0.009
Patrick Connolly        3       0.009
Gregory White   3       0.009
Mellissa Simko  3       0.009
Gage Teer       3       0.009
Anna Bier       3       0.009
Dan Reed        3       0.009
liam abood      3       0.009
Sandlots        3       0.009
David Susko     2       0.006
Jacqueline Holland      2       0.006
Bob Rogers      2       0.006
Andy Ducey      2       0.006
Brendon Harrington      2       0.006
frank martin    2       0.006
John Lucas      2       0.006
Mike Riggins    2       0.006
Maria Fernanda  2       0.006
Katy Klimczuk   2       0.006
Peter James     2       0.006
Lisa Fox        2       0.006
Will Scott      2       0.006
Evan Beers      2       0.006
Patti Mott      2       0.006
Jessica Wiltse  2       0.006
Connor Byers    2       0.006
David Manson    2       0.006
Amy McLanahan   2       0.006
Todd Martin     2       0.006
Meg Whelan      2       0.006
Matt Pearson    1       0.003
Danny Hoops     1       0.003
Art Vandelay    1       0.003
Dan Backman     1       0.003
Joseph Caragher 1       0.003
Teresa Bunda    1       0.003
Bob Bonsen      1       0.003
Cheryl Holton   1       0.003
Willy Lee       1       0.003
Carol Rupp      1       0.003
Nisha Labroo    1       0.003
Kevin Huntsman  1       0.003
Joe Cislo       1       0.003
Carin Goodrich  1       0.003
Lillie the Chimp        1       0.003
Charles BARKley 1       0.003
CJ Hewitt       1       0.003
Jackson Taylor  1       0.003
==== NUMBER OF WINNERS/OUTCOME TALLY ====
1       29675
2       2728
3       329
4       30
5       5
6       1

Who Brought It?

And What Did They Bring?

You know, let's give a shout out to All Those Who Nickname Themselves. It's an unwritten rule that you should not nickname yourself, but these folks say NO! I know what I want to be called, and world, DEAL WITH IT!

Apologies to those I've left out. But not really.

* you'll never guess what Butterfinger selected for their candybar.
** apologies to Muad'Dib, this is not a nickname, it was bestowed upon Tom as the Chosen One.


Losing Mascots: Let's Talk About Them!

Pointless Discussion about Losing Teams and Their Mascots

I started scanning the list of the 16 teams that lost over the weekend for a good mascot and got 15 of the way through and was losing hope...and then number 16 popped up. Behold! Dayton University's RUDY FLYER!!!

Here is old-timey Rudy! Also awesome!

And, if you are wondering who the MAN BEHIND THE MASK is, it is none other than "POUNDS WHEN HE DIED IN JANUARY HAS BEEN CHARGED WITH MURDER"


Upsets...who picked 'em

Highlighting those brave souls that chose oddball longshots to win games

NC State is the closest we had to an upset in round 2, and we still had 105 of you that picked 'em. If they win the next round we'll start talking about Cinderella status, but as it stands this is one of the more chalky years in recent memory (see also: Chimp Army decimation).


Whose champion bit it?

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but it never sucks worse than when the team you picked to win it all loses it all. It's even worse when I publish it for all to read!

No, Michigan State was never going to win this tournament. Yes, lots of people keep thinking they will (see next section).

Michigan St: Philip Danne, molly caragher, Andy Richardson, Richard Doher, Carin Goodrich, Hayden Bier, Kathleen Phu, Ethan 'Go Green' Ray, Lochlain McGrail, Cindy Arvant, jennyrupe, Maria Célia , Ari Schindler Northwestern: Ronin Danek, ZingBop, InMemoryOf JamieSamuelsen Washington State: Denis 'The Menace', Clare Abram Oakland: James Davis Colorado: Rich Prittie, Zach Betta Kansas: Colin Keiffer, Beck Rogers, Joel Van Valin, Sam Waldron, Neal Nordstrom, Lisa Blake, John Caragher Oregon: Laurie Anderson Texas: Natalie Goo, Dani Godreau, Theresa White Grand Canyon: OLD BET THE BEST Baylor: David Manson, Tracy Niyo, Fran Fabrizio, Larry, Andrea Bullock, Bruno Rhoades, Fielding H. Yost, Anna Arvant, Josh Thaler Dayton: Alexis Salmeron Osegueda, Renata S Rush

So long suckers!


Boo Rah Rah

I asked you if your alma mater was in the tournament. Why? So I could make fun of you when they lose!

70 of you lost your alma mater over last weekend, heavily weighted towards the Spartans of Michigan State. Also from Michigan, I'm pleased to see there were 5 alumni from Oakland, which I will continue to point out is definitely in Michigan.

Michigan St: Scott Driscoll, Philip Danne, David Manson, James Yizze, Patrick Bourke, Sue Miller, Richard Doher, Molly Pratt, Mya Proctor, Eric Gifford, Kristin Gifford, Trevor Shepich, Hayden Bier, Jim Chryssikos, rachel ray, Ethan 'Go Green' Ray, Brian Weiss, Thomas J Leeper, Beaumont Hoffman, David Susko, Devan Dhruna, Chris Boese, Cindy Arvant, Justin Strohmeyer, Andrew D Nicholson, John Stakoe, Bob Armitage, Peter Schultz, Michael Hartmann, Steve Stagg, Barbie Hoag, Mark Weiss, Staci Nowak, Robert Bartus, Tom Hoag, Andrew D Nicholson, Charlie Meilinger, John Boyle, Rick Shepich, Patrick O'Boyle, Jessica Wiltse, Eric wright Oakland: Jayson LaGrou, Steve 'Dad of Jamie and Nick' White, Nolan Bianchi, Glen LaGrou, Nick Mac Northwestern: Joey Zambreno, InMemoryOf JamieSamuelsen, Paul Schmidt (old man) Washington State: Martie Lucas, David Lucas, Lorie D, Jeff Johnson, Thomas Hammett Yale: Avi Gupta Duquesne: Todd Pepperkorn Texas A&M: Anna Bier James Madison: Jeffrey Durr, Kiernan Raffo Colorado: Jim Bell, Woody Hendricks Kansas: Erv Klaas, Ed Nordstrom, HOWARD JOHNSON, Judy Johnson Oregon: Sophia Soriano Texas: Ryan Brady, James 006 1/2 Grand Canyon: Charlie DiGirolomo

Candy Bar of the Day

Where I give out fake awards for my favorite candy selections

Candymeister: Hey Piper, I'll be with you shortly. Just gotta figure out Candy Bar of the Day award.
Piper: What about Piper "nerds gummy clusters" Klaas?
Candymeister: ...

And the award for Shameless Self Promotion and Just Wants Dad to Finish Already So We can Watch a Movie goes to my lovely daughter Piper Klaas for her selection of "nerds gummy clusters", which she's had me try in the past, and I'd describe as "surprisingly not the worst candy ever".

Enough with the crap, who's ahead?

Top 10 Humans

Rank Name Location Candy Champion Score
1John GriffinNorth CarolinaKit-KatNorth Carolina56
2Michael HartnettMichiganMarathon BarConnecticut55
2Michael WebsterMinnesotaReese's crunchy cupArizona55
4Marissa StoltWisconsinNerd rope Arizona54
5Javier FregosoCaliforniaAltoid Tangerine SoursArizona53
5Joe 'mit Ohren' Grover MinnesotaUncle Urnie's Candy AshesHouston53
5Zach GostanianMaine100 Grand!Houston53
8Jake Lowenstern OregonLindt LindorCreighton52
8Josie WakserArizona1 pound Reeses peanut butter cupArizona52
8Justin StrohmeyerMichiganBig Kat North Carolina52
8Megan Wooley-OusdahlCaliforniaMilky Way Tennessee52
8michelle ragoDistrict of ColumbiaSummitMarquette52
8Milo AndersonDistrict of ColumbiaTwix King SizeArizona52
8Rob Van BeusekomMinnesotaBaby RuthConnecticut52
8Wyn JamiesonCaliforniaCadbury CrunchieConnecticut52

Top 10 Chimps

Rank Name Location Candy Champion Score
1ToniRancho CucamongaKrembananWashington State39
2RamonRancho CucamongaKrembananIllinois38
3AldenRancho CucamongaKrembananOakland37
3AlexandreaRancho CucamongaKrembananTennessee37
3KalebRancho CucamongaKrembananNC State37
3NataleeRancho CucamongaKrembananDuke37
3StacyRancho CucamongaKrembananMarquette37
8AnnetteRancho CucamongaKrembananMarquette36
8BrendenRancho CucamongaKrembananNorth Carolina36
8CaitlynRancho CucamongaKrembananTexas A&M36
8CelesteRancho CucamongaKrembananDuke36
8ElvinRancho CucamongaKrembananStetson36
8IsaakRancho CucamongaKrembananArizona36
8SerenaRancho CucamongaKrembananTennessee36

cheers,
the Meister


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